Managing Autism and ADHD Daily: Systems That Actually Work (And Epic Failures)

Welcome to Part 3, where I finally explain how I actually manage living with autism and ADHD together without completely losing my mind (most days).

If you read Parts 1 and 2, you know that AuDHD is basically having two brain roommates who hate each other, sensory management is a nightmare, and hyperfocus is a curse disguised as a blessing.

So how do I get anything done? Through systems that are probably weird, definitely imperfect, but functional enough that I completed grad school, run multiple businesses, and haven't set anything on fire (yet).

The Flexible Routine Framework

This is the big one. The foundation. The thing that keeps both brains from staging a full coup.

The concept: Rigid structure on the outside, flexible chaos on the inside.

What this looks like:

Morning (non-negotiable, autism's territory):

• 5:30 AM wake up
• Training gear goes on FIRST (if I sit down, ADHD wins and I'm not going)
• 6:00-7:30 AM training at home
• Protein shake immediately after

Work block (structured flexibility, ADHD gets options):

• 8 AM-1 PM: "Deep work"
• I can work on ANY project from my active list (drone CV, cybersecurity tools, AI research, streaming platform)
• ADHD picks which one
• Autism requires I stick with it for at least 90 minutes
• No switching allowed once I start

Afternoon (predictable anchor points):

• 12:00 PM: Shen Wu Academy training (Wednesday and Saturday)
• 3:15 PM: Duolingo (autism loves the streak, ADHD loves the gamification, 537 days and counting)
• 4-6 PM: Wild card time (ADHD can do whatever)

The key: My autism brain knows what the day looks like. My ADHD brain gets to make choices within that structure. Both brains are moderately annoyed instead of completely enraged.

Systems That Actually Work

The "Two-Minute Rule" (Modified)

You know that ADHD advice about "if it takes less than two minutes, do it now"? Great advice. Except my autism brain needs to know when those two-minute tasks happen or I spiral into decision paralysis.

My version: Two-minute tasks get captured in a running list. I handle them during designated "maintenance windows" (10 AM and 3 PM).

This way:

• ADHD gets the dopamine hit of checking things off
• Autism knows when interruptions are allowed
• I actually respond to emails instead of letting them pile up into an anxiety mountain

The Sensory Toolkit (Non-Negotiable)

I keep these accessible at all times:

• Noise-canceling headphones (autism anti-overwhelm tool)
• Fidget cube (ADHD regulation tool)
• Sunglasses (I wear them inside sometimes, deal with it)
• Protein bars (because ADHD forgets food exists)

When I'm working on technical projects—like my current RTX 5070 Ti build for AI development—I put on lofi beats (thanks Lauren). No lyrics means autism doesn't get distracted by parsing language. Consistent rhythm means ADHD stays engaged.

Project Lists (Not Task Lists)

Task lists don't work for me. My ADHD looks at "respond to 47 emails" and shuts down. My autism gets overwhelmed by the lack of structure.

Instead, I keep a list of active projects with clear end states:

• "Finish drone CV system" (not "work on drone code")
• "Complete AI consciousness paper" (not "write more")
• "Launch streaming platform beta" (not "build features")

During my work block, I pick ONE project. I work on whatever tasks move that project forward. ADHD gets variety within the project. Autism gets to see progress toward completion.

Systems That Failed Spectacularly

Let me save you some time by sharing what doesn't work, despite every productivity guru insisting it will:

Morning Pages / Journaling

Every therapist, every ADHD coach, every autism support site says "journal every morning!"

I tried. My ADHD brain thinks journaling is boring. My autism brain hates the lack of structure (what do I write about? how much? what format?). I wrote three entries, felt guilty about stopping, and now the empty journal sits on my shelf radiating shame.

Lesson: If both brains hate it, it's not going to work, no matter how "good for you" it supposedly is.

Time-Blocking in 30-Minute Increments

This is supposed to be ADHD gold—short bursts, frequent transitions! Except my autism brain needs way longer to settle into a task, and my ADHD brain can hyperfocus for 4+ hours if it's interested.

I tried it for two weeks. It was like being interrupted by a fire alarm every 30 minutes. Both brains were furious.

Lesson: Generic ADHD advice doesn't account for autism's need for deep focus time.

"Just Ask for Help"

Oh, you mean unmask in front of colleagues and risk their perception of my competence fundamentally changing? That thing that requires navigating social dynamics I can barely perceive? Sure, let me get right on that.

I'm working on this one. Slowly. Very slowly. With a therapist. It's going... it's going.

Workplace Navigation

I work as a freelance software engineer and cybersecurity consultant. Here's how I manage AuDHD in professional contexts:

Remote Work Is Non-Negotiable

Open offices are autism hell. The sensory input alone makes me want to dive through a window. But I also can't work from a coffee shop—too much chaos.

Home office setup:

• Controlled environment (autism: pleased)
• Can move around freely (ADHD: satisfied)
• No one watching me pace while thinking (both: relieved)

When I present at conferences, I prepare extensively—scripted talks with room for improvisation, practiced until my autism brain feels safe and my ADHD brain isn't bored.

Leveraging Hyperfocus (Strategically)

When I'm building something technical—like the 4K video streaming platform for Shen Wu Academy—I schedule "hyperfocus windows." I clear the entire day, tell people I'm unavailable, and let ADHD do its thing while autism provides systematic structure.

This is how I got through my Master's in Computer Science with a 3.9 GPA. Not by fighting my brain, but by building systems where my brain's weird features become advantages.

The "No Masking" Experiment (In Progress)

I'm trying (very slowly) to mask less at work:

• Wearing headphones on calls without apologizing
• Actually saying "I need to think about that" instead of immediate responses
• Admitting when I'm overwhelmed (this one's still hard)

Results: Mixed. Some people appreciate the honesty. Some people are weird about it. I'm learning that their comfort is not my responsibility.

The Reality Check

Living with autism and ADHD together isn't about "overcoming challenges" or "reaching your potential" or any of that inspiration porn nonsense. It's about building a life where your brain can function as it is, not as you wish it would be.

What actually helps:

1. Stop trying to be neurotypical. You're not. Build systems for your brain, not the brain you think you should have.
2. Both conditions are real. My autism doesn't cancel out my ADHD. My ADHD doesn't make my autism less valid. They coexist, they conflict, and that's just how it is.
3. Flexibility within structure is the key. Too much structure and ADHD rebels. Too much flexibility and autism panics. The sweet spot is rigid boundaries with flexible content.
4. Some days both brains lose. On those days, I do the bare minimum, train if I can, and try again tomorrow. This isn't failure—it's realistic management of a complex neurological situation.
5. Your accommodations are valid. Noise-canceling headphones at work. Sunglasses inside. Declining social events. Weird work hours. If it helps you function, it's not "too much."

I'm not going to end this with some bullshit about "embracing neurodiversity" or "my brain is a gift." Some days it is a gift—hyperfocus got me through grad school, pattern recognition makes me good at my job, and systematic thinking has built me a life I actually like.

Other days, it means I'm crying in my car before training because I can't make my brain cooperate long enough to get out of the vehicle.

Both things are true.

You're not broken. Your brain isn't wrong. It's just running two operating systems at once, and sometimes they conflict. The goal isn't to fix that—it's to build a life that works with it instead of against it.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's 4:37 AM, I've been hyperfocusing on finishing this series, my autism brain is livid about the sleep schedule disruption, and I need to be at training in 90 minutes.

This is fine. Everything is fine. Welcome to AuDHD.

Resources:

• CHADD (Children and Adults with ADHD) - Evidence-based ADHD resources
• Embrace Autism - Autistic-run resource for assessments and information
• ADDitude Magazine - Practical ADHD management strategies

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