Staying Sober Over the Holidays: Your Neurodivergent Survival Guide

Or: How to Not Get Absolutely Wasted This Season (When Your Brain Really, Really Wants You To)

Look, we need to talk about something uncomfortable. And I know "uncomfortable conversations" are literally our kryptonite, so I'm going to make this as painless as possible with strategic use of humor and maybe some all-caps screaming.

Here's the deal: staying sober during the holidays when you're neurodivergent is like playing Dark Souls on expert mode while someone yells at you about why you're still single.

The Elephant in the Room (That's Also Somehow Too Loud and Too Quiet Simultaneously)

Here's the thing about being neurodivergent and substances: they can feel like a fucking revelation. That first drink? That edible? Suddenly your brain isn't doing the mental equivalent of running 47 Chrome tabs while someone jackhammers outside and your shirt tag is committing war crimes against your neck.

For a beautiful, fleeting moment, you feel... normal? Is this what neurotypicals experience just EXISTING? This is their DEFAULT STATE?

Plot twist: It's a trap. A very seductive, socially acceptable trap wrapped in festive packaging.

The Math Ain't Mathing (And We're Bad at Math Anyway)

Let's get dark for a second. Studies show that people with ADHD are 2-3x more likely to develop substance use disorders. Autistic folks? Also significantly higher rates of substance abuse. Depression, anxiety, other ND flavors? All of us are statistically fucked.

The connection between ADHD and addiction isn't a coincidence - it's neurochemistry. Same with autism and substance abuse. Our brains are literally wired differently, and substances exploit that difference.

Why? Because substances do four things we desperately crave:

1. Quiet the noise - Both internal and external
2. Slow down the brain - Or speed it up if it's too slow (we're flexible like that)
3. Make social situations tolerable - Suddenly you can small talk! About the weather! Without wanting to crawl into a hole!
4. Provide dopamine - That sweet, sweet chemical our brains refuse to make properly

It's like someone offering you a crutch when you've been crawling through broken glass. Of course you're gonna take it.

The Holiday Hellscape: Why It's Extra Spicy This Year

The holidays are basically designed by neurotypicals, for neurotypicals, as a test to see how much sensory hell we can endure:

• Mandatory family gatherings with relatives who ask why you're still single/unemployed/not "normal" yet
• Chaotic schedules destroying your carefully constructed routines
• Sensory nightmares (tinsel, flashing lights, Christmas music on loop, the TEXTURE of holiday sweaters)
• Small talk Olympics where everyone's a gold medalist except you
• Performance expectations ("Why aren't you more festive?" "Smile more!")

No wonder the spiked eggnog starts looking like a personality upgrade.

Your Actual Sobriety Tips for the Holidays (The Hacks You Came For)

1. The Strategic Exit Plan

Before any event, identify:

• Where the bathrooms are (your quiet zone)
• How you're getting home (never rely on drunk uncle Gary)
• A believable excuse to leave ("I have to go, my fish is drowning" works better than you'd think)
• A "safe person" who knows you might need extraction

Pro tip: Set a timer on your phone. When it goes off, you "just remembered" you have to do something urgent. Very convincing. Very ADHD-authentic.

2. The Mocktail Maneuver

People are WEIRD about other people not drinking. Avoid the interrogation by:

• Always having a drink in your hand (sparkling water in a fancy glass is your friend)
• "I'm driving" (conversation ender)
• "I'm on medication" (true for many of us, and shuts down questions FAST)
• My personal favorite: "I'm actually more fun sober" (said with enough confidence that they believe it)

Bonus: Make your mocktails elaborate and delicious. Become the person who brings the fancy zero-proof drinks. Own that shit.

3. The Stimulation Substitute

Your brain wants dopamine/serotonin/whatever chemical it's missing. Give it SOMETHING:

• Fidget toys (socially acceptable now!)
• Specific foods you love (texture-safe holiday treats)
• Music (noise-canceling headphones are a medical device, fight me)
• Movement (volunteer to "help in the kitchen" = permission to pace)
• Your phone (sometimes doomscrolling is harm reduction, and that's okay)

4. The Time-Box Technique

This is one of the most effective sobriety tips for anxious brains: you don't have to stay sober FOREVER (anxiety spike). You just have to stay sober RIGHT NOW.

• "I'm not drinking today" (not "ever again")
• Recovery is built one moment at a time, not in grand declarations
• Use the same technique that gets you through one episode when you're binging a show
• Break it down: "I can make it through dinner." Then "I can make it to dessert." Then "I can make it to the car."
• Tomorrow is tomorrow's problem

5. The Parallel Play Party

Can't handle the family gathering? CREATE YOUR OWN:

• Host a "Christmastim" (Christmas + stimming, patent pending) where everyone understands
• Rules: No small talk. No forced eye contact. Stim freely. Leave when your battery dies.
• Activities: Video games, parallel crafting, infodumping about special interests, wrapping presents in silence together
• Acceptable conversation topics ONLY
• Optional: Wear the most texturally offensive Christmas sweater ironically, or the softest hoodie unironically (wool sweaters are the devil's fabric and I will die on this hill)
• Lights must be dimmable. Music must be controllable. Chaos is opt-in.

6. The Honest Conversation (If You're Brave)

Some people in your life might be safe enough to hear:

• "I'm not drinking because it stops being fun for people like me pretty quickly"
• "My brain chemistry is already fucked, I don't need to make it worse"
• "I'm trying to take care of myself differently this year"

And if they push? That's a them problem. Boundaries are sexy.

Red Flags That You Might Need More Help

Real talk time. ADHD and substance use disorder often go hand-in-hand, as do autism and problematic substance use. If any of this sounds familiar, please reach out to actual professionals:

• You're drinking/using alone regularly
• You're drinking/using to cope with daily ND stress (not just special occasions)
• You've noticed you need more to feel the same effect
• People have expressed concern
• You feel like you CAN'T stop
• You're having blackouts or doing risky shit you regret
• It's affecting work, relationships, or basic functioning
• You're reading this list and thinking "fuck, that's me"

It's not weakness. It's not failure. It's your brain trying to fix itself with the wrong tools. Neurodivergent substance abuse often stems from undiagnosed or poorly managed symptoms - and that means there are better, more sustainable tools available once you know what you're actually dealing with.

Resources for Substance Abuse Help (Because I Care About You, Random Internet Person)

For ADHD Folks:

• CHADD (Children and Adults with ADHD) - Has substance abuse resources: chadd.org
• ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Association) - Support groups: add.org

For Autistic Folks:

• ASAN (Autistic Self Advocacy Network) - asan.org
• Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network - awnnetwork.org

For Substance Use Support:

• SMART Recovery - Non-12-step, science-based: smartrecovery.org
• LifeRing Secular Recovery - Also non-12-step: lifering.org
• SAMHSA National Helpline - 1-800-662-4357 (free, confidential, 24/7)
• NA/AA - If 12-step is your jam, it works for lots of people

For Crisis:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline - Call or text 988
• Crisis Text Line - Text "HOME" to 741741

ND-Specific Therapy:

• Psychology Today Therapist Finder - Filter for ND-affirming therapists
• Therapy for Black Girls - therapyforblackgirls.com
• National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network - nqttcn.com

The Real Talk Conclusion

Look, staying sober during the holidays is going to be whatever it's going to be. Maybe you'll crush it and feel amazing. Maybe you'll stim aggressively in the corner while planning your escape. Maybe you'll have a moment of weakness and that's okay too - recovery isn't linear, and self-compassion is a skill we're all learning.

But here's what I want you to know: Your brain isn't broken because substances feel like a solution. Your brain is doing its best with what it's got. The fact that you're even reading this means you're thinking about your relationship with substances, which is more self-awareness than most people achieve.

You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be sober forever if that's not your goal. You just have to be kind to yourself and honest about what you need.

And if someone gives you shit about not drinking? They're probably boring anyway.

Stay safe, stay weird, and remember: The holidays are temporary, but your brain is permanent. Treat it accordingly.

---

P.S. - If you made it to the end of this post, you have better attention span than me. Good job. Here's a virtual cookie 🍪 (that you can imagine has the perfect texture for your specific sensory needs).

P.P.S. - Yes, it's okay to send this to your family group chat with the message "THIS IS WHY I'M BEING WEIRD ON THURSDAY."

---

Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor, therapist, or any kind of medical professional. I'm just a neurodivergent person on the internet who cares about other neurodivergent people. If you need real help, please reach out to the resources above. You matter.