The Neurotypical-to-English Translator

NTs speak in code and then get mad when we don't crack it. Here's a translation guide:

"We should hang out sometime" NT meaning: This is a polite exit line. Do not actually schedule anything. What I heard: We should hang out sometime. Does Tuesday work?

"I'm fine" NT meaning: I am absolutely not fine and I need you to ask 3 more times. What I heard: Okay, great. Moving on.

"No offense, but..." NT meaning: I'm about to be offensive and this prefix somehow makes it okay. What I heard: Why would I be offended? (And then I'm offended.)

"It's not a big deal" NT meaning: It's a huge deal and I'm testing you. What I heard: Oh good, so we can drop it.

"That's interesting" NT meaning: I'm bored and want to change the subject. What I heard: They find this interesting! I should continue for another 15 minutes!

"Let's play it by ear" NT meaning: I'm being flexible and low-pressure. What I heard: A nightmare. A formless void of uncertainty. My soul leaving my body.

"Do whatever you want" NT meaning: There is a specific correct answer and this is a test. What I heard: Freedom! I shall do whatever I want! (This was wrong.)

Conclusion: Just say what you mean. We're not going to break. And honestly? We'd respect you more for it.